CUSTOMER SERVICE WOES #1

I once read (but I can't remember the source) that we are moving towards a "service-oriented" society. By service, they meant that the majority of employed people are providing some kind of service for others, not making an actual product. I suppose the restaurant business could be considered a meshing of the two worlds. When I think about all the jobs I've had, I guess I've always been in some form of customer service. Thus, the inspiration for this blog series...

This is the first in an unknown number of topics related to the fine art of Customer Service. Since there are so many facets, so many angles, so many philosophies on customer service, I will break down the issues and try to keep to one subtopic at a time. Otherwise, this would be a really, really, really long blog. Mind you, this and any blogs hereafter on this topic stem from my personal experience, but I think some of you may be able to relate, maybe agree, or maybe even disagree...

PART THE FIRST: The Cell Phone
Cell phones are wonderful, right? They keep us in closer contact with each other, they're convenient, handy in an emergency, etc., etc. You can even take pictures, play games, surf the Web, e-mail, download music, program it to ring in a particular way, put all these cute shit stickers or covers on them...

Hell, I have a cell phone just like everybody else. I even have a black cover on it to soften the blow should the roll on my stomach bunch up enough to knock my phone off its belt clip to the ground.

But why oh why do some people insist on talking on the phone WHILE conducting their business with me (or any other customer service rep). There is no law against this particular behavior, but if ScregMan ruled the Universe (not trying to usurp you TofU... this is all hypothetical), there would be. Do you hear me? THERE WOULD BE!!! Something along the lines of cutting 1/8"-1/4" off the tip of offenders' tongues. If you keep offending, eventually, you'd lose your entire tongue. I believe that would suffice.

I don't know why I feel this way... I have no explanation for my feelings, but I think it is absolutely rude... ABSOLUTELY RUDE to be talking on a cell phone while doing some transaction with a customer service rep. This is one piece of behavior I absolutely try to avoid when I'm the customer. I just don't like it.

With this behavior, the customer's attention is divided, and this has the tendency to cause wasteful moments (another blog on my time being wasted by others will eventually follow). Someone on a cell phone will more than likely say "Huh?" or "What?" after I've asked him/her to sign and date a document. Why? Because their attention is divided. Because they weren't frickin' paying attention. It drives me crazy to no end when I have to repeat myself because of the cell phone distraction.

And it's never important. The phone conversation is NEVER IMPORTANT. Do you disagree? Are you telling yourself: "But Screg, it may not sound important, but you don't know the whole story behind the conversation, you don't know the background..."

Okay, let's say I'm jumping the gun. Here's a few snipets of things I've overheard from people on their precious cell phones.

"So whatchoo doin' now?.... Ahm pickin' up ma check... HUH?... Where-em I signin'...?"

"MMMMMMMMMMM...MMMMMM...girrrrrrrrrrrrrl... you can't let 'im treat ch'all like dat..."

"Yeah... I've got to get home and study before I flunk this class..."

"I think he likes you... Oh, shut up... NOT!!... Oh, puh-leeeeeeeez..."

"I just called ta holla at cha..."

"...time am I meeting you?...Uh...Hold on...What?... Where do I sign...?

Now, I guess it could be argued that any one of these partial conversations could have been related to an emergency, or a life and death situation. But my logic tells me... NOT!!!

In all my years of customer service, I've never heard things like:

"OH MY GOD!!! MOM GOT STRANGLED BY THE WEED WACKER!!! I'LL BE RIGHT OVER!!!"

"WHAT?... LITTLE JUNIOR LOST HIS ARM IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL!!!"

"WHICH HOSPITAL IS HE AT... I'M COMING NOW"

"THERE'S A RABID DOG GOT YOU CORNERED IN THE KITCHEN? GRAB THE GUN IN THE KNIFE DRAWER AND BLOW ITS BRAINS OUT. I'LL BE RIGHT OVER AFTER I PICK UP MY CHECK."

My point? The actual conversations I've heard seem to be lacking any sense of... URGENCY. In other words, it wouldn't kill the person to delay the conversation for a few seconds. Can't the offender at least have the decency to not be on the phone while conducting business?

If I'm feeling particularly ornary, I will intentionally wait for a person to get off the phone. This is particularly effective when I've got a line of students. Then the student is "under pressure" because it is him/her who is holding up the line. On one occasion, a girl said: "Lemme call you back. This guy has an ISSUE (extreme emphasis on the word ISSUE) with cell phones."

My response to her: "You're right, bitch. I do have an issue with cell phones, you rude, ignorant, stupid, pathetic, worthless, waste of a human being. Who the fuck do you think you are? Is your conversation THAT important? You can't hold off for 30 seconds while I have you sign some documents so you can pick up your check? This check that's suppose to be helping you with school? You ungreatful shit. I hope you don't procreate because the last thing this world needs is your rudeness being passed onto any offspring you might bear as a result of you finding and paying a desperate, sorry-ass, crack-addicted male to screw you."

At which point she filed a grievance against me...NOT. Of course I didn't say all that. But you can bet your life I was thinking it (or something similar).

From a statistical standpoint (and I'm not trying to be sexist), it seems females are more prone to doing this than the males. Don't get me wrong, both genders are guilty of this, but in my experience, the females do it more.

At least there are some social pressures regarding when and where the cell phone is appropriate. Movie theatres have specific reminders regarding turning off/setting to vibrate cell phones. I like that. I can't believe the audacity of some people who could just have a (loud) phone conversation in the middle of a movie.

HotFudge once told me about a woman in the post office on her cell phone talking rather loudly. One of the workers told her to tone it down and that she would not be helped until she got off her cell. BRAVO!!!

And the way some people "cling" to their phones. As if it's the most important thing in the world. More important than their spouse. More important than their children. More important than life itself. Their whole family could die in a car crash, as long as their phone doesn't get damaged. I envision such people falling off a cliff and holding their cellphone as high as possible so it's the last thing that hits the ground. I see people all the time, just staring (maybe they're texting) at their phones, as if in a trance. Unbelievable.

Of course, this is totally my opinion. TOTALLY MY OPINION. Supported by no facts. Lots of people are perfectly fine talking on the phone while conducting business. I'm sure there's lots of people in customer service who aren't bothered a bit. Maybe I'm the only one who feels this way. But from my vantage point, I just can't get past it. Utterly rude. And for me, a student should be paying attention when signing a legal document. But they act like it's no big thing. I'm about to give you a check to help you pay for your education, and you can't even stop talking for 30 seconds. How pathetic is that?

If you agree with me, great. If you disagree with me, then weigh in. I'd like to hear some justification for splitting attention between phone and customer service rep. Mind you, this is totally different from cell phones going off during a party or among friends. I am talking specifically about cell phones from a customer service stand point.

-------------------------------------

Stop talking for 15-30 seconds...

Is that too much to ask?