THE TROUBLE WITH BB

Lunch should be a pleasurable experience. A time to feed the body, to relax, to reflect, to nap, to get away from the office...

HotFudge and I have a co-worker. I shall call it BB. More than a few months ago (or has it been at least one year? Perhaps HotFudge remembers that fateful day...) BB was eating its lunch. HotFudge was preparing to sit at a separate table when BB waved her over... And that's when it all started...

Eating with BB wasn't bad. We'd chat, laugh, talk smack about other offices around campus, etc. Now, months down the line, it seems we've become BB's lunch partners. Of course, we're not the only ones. Others have also eaten with BB. But it seems we are now "expected" [dare I say "required"] to eat with BB.

I used to look forward to lunch. Now, my gut reaction is to curse when I'm approaching the lounge and I see HotFudge sitting with BB. Mind you, this isn't every single day. There are times when BB isn't there. But whenever BB is there, we end up eating with it. HotFudge and Ronin have grown tired of BB. Tired, I tell you. Without a doubt, lunch has become a dreaded event. BB is not an evil person, but we have grown weary of its company. It loves to talk about all the food it "knows" how to prepare, yet it always buys its lunch. [We always ask ourselves: "If BB's such a great cook, why doesn't it bring its lunch instead of always buying?"] HotFudge and I have been "wowed" by all its stories about how it cussed this person out or that person out. This past week, it told us about all these different medicines and drugs it mixed together in order to battle its cold. BB's in "the know".

Of course, I can eat lunch with HotFudge everyday. I have no problem with that because HotFudge is the one I'm going to grow old with. But the dynamic changes when we join BB. HotFudge and I can't talk about certain things. We feel obligated to keep the conversation going. Lately, I don't have much to say.

HotFudge recently succeeded in a daring break-away by sitting at another table. When BB tried to wave HotFudge over, HotFudge said she was sick and didn't want to spread it. [This isn't a lie. Poor HotFudge has been battling a cold/cough for a few weeks now.] So we had lunch without BB. BB already had two people sitting with it. But it still said from across the room: "I want you (HotFudge and Ronin) to know that we feel alienated over here." BB felt alienated even though it already had two people sitting with it? OH, PUH-LEEEEEEEEEZ...

THE CLENCHER
Ronin's office phone rang. The little screen on the phone said: "FACULTY DINING RM". Ronin picked up the phone. HotFudge's voice: "I'm in the student section".

So Ronin heated up his food and headed for the lounge. When he got there, what did he see? HotFudge sitting with BB.

"CON SARNIT!!!" Ronin thought. She (HotFudge) said she was in the student section. So how the hell did she end up with BB?

This is how: HotFudge couldn't find her cel phone to call me, so she went to the faculty section to use the phone. BB was already there and asked if we were going to be anti-social (again). The faculty area was prepped for some kind of event so HotFudge's response was: "I wasn't sure if we could sit in here." Being the good natured person that she is, though, HotFudge went back to the student area, gathered her things, and joined BB.

CON SARNIT!!!

What is it with people who can't do things by themselves? I know people who can't go shopping alone, who can't go to the doctor or dentist alone. Besides BB, I know of others who can't eat alone. Perhaps these people can't shit alone either. I understand that no man (or woman) is an island, but come on.

And now HotFudge and Ronin seem bound to be BB's lunch partners... forever...? If we start sitting away from BB, we run the risk of "offending" it, of being labelled "anti-social", perhaps even "stuck-up". "We're too good to eat with BB..."

This is utter bull. And using a term like "anti-social" to guilt us into joining BB is rude, childish, selfish, and immature, not to mention stupid. [Ronin despises people who use "guilt" tactics.]

And now it feels like the only solution is to completely avoid the lounge area just to avoid BB. How sad is that? Why should HotFudge and I change our eating habits just to avoid this one person. Utterly absurd.

Can't BB understand that, as a couple, we might want to be alone sometimes? Will it die just because it has to eat alone? And even if HotFudge weren't there, Ronin wouldn't want to eat with BB. I'd rather eat my lunch alone and doze for awhile than eat with BB. I'd rather have a root canal than eat with BB. I'd rather have a rectal... hmmmmmmmm...