ITALY 2006... MISS MANNERS MOMENT I

[This blog is dedicated to Lotus, our resident expert on manners...]

THURSDAY, APRIL 6, 2006

It was our third day in Rome (We'd arrived early afternoon on Tuesday, April 4). HotFudge had wanted to explore some place (any place) just outside of Rome. You know... Just hop on the train and go... Ronin was game, but was also (as usual) highly suspicious and petrified of getting lost in a foreign country where we don't speak the language. [I've gotta hand it to HotFudge, though. She is definitely more adventurous than me in these situations. Were it not for her, Ronin would be content in his own little city...]

Luckily, the hotel we were staying at provided a shuttle service to downtown Rome. Looking at the map, I determined we could get dropped off, and then walk to the train station. It was another cold and rainy day. HotFudge was smart enough to have packed an umbrella. I, on the other hand, ended up buying one for five euro along the way. I also accidentally bought some bottled water with "gas". You know, the water with fizz. UGH!! I didn't realize my error until later that day when I took a swig of that shit. That fizz water is just nasty. Needless to say, this pissed Ronin off, but taught me the valuable lesson of making sure to ask for "no gas" when purchasing water.




We made it to the Termini train station and spent quite a bit of time trying to decide where to go. We finally settled on the town of Frascati. Buying the tickets was cool because the station had tons of these self-serve "touch-screen" machines where you just pick your destination, pay, and then get your ticket.

After purchasing the tickets, we made our way to the platforms to wait. Our train would be leaving at 1:48PM. (It was about 1:30PM.) We were suppose to watch a particular screen, and 10-15 minutes before the train's scheduled departure, the screen would show which platform to go to. It was during this time that Ronin kept going back and forth looking for the bathroom. In disgust, Ronin eventually decided to hold it because he would've had to pay. [Paying to piss (or dump). This really pisses Ronin off...]

Time passed, and we didn't see anything on the screens. It eventually passed 1:48PM and we still hadn't seen anything on the screens. It was 1:52PM when Ronin realized we were looking at the wrong screen. He found the correct screen and saw the train was leaving from platform 18. We made our way through the crowds of people and found the correct platform...


... and then saw the following sign:

400... 400 meters... 400 meters?!... 400 METERS!!! DAMMIT!! And we were already four minutes late... Correct me if I'm wrong but I believe 1 meter equals approximately 3 feet. So 400 x 3 = 1,200 feet. AAAARRRGH!!!

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What do you think happened at that moment?

A. Sticking together, Ronin and HotFudge picked up the pace to a fast walk to cover the 400 meters and catch the train.

B. With the intent to break the 400 meter record, Ronin took off at a dead sprint, leaving HotFudge in the dust.

C. With the intent to break the 400 meter record, HotFudge took off at a dead sprint, leaving Ronin in the dust.

D. Picking up the pace, but always keeping HotFudge in sight, Ronin ran ahead to try and catch the train.

E. Feeling it wasn't worth the effort, both Ronin and HotFudge decided to miss the train and go somewhere else.

F. None of the above.

G. All of the above.

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What would you do?

TO BE CONTINUED...

ITALY 2006... THE BREAST FACTOR...

TUESDAY, APRIL 11, 2006 [DAY 6 OF TOUR]

Excerpt from Moleskine: "I dreamt I killed a man... He was throwing rocks at me, so I got his head on my lap and twisted and twisted and twisted. Don't remember his neck snapping or breaking, but it did just go limp. Like a licorice stick..."

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If you ever find yourself in fair Verona, at the statue of Juliet, remember to rub her right breast. Supposedly, this action brings good luck.

According to Rosa, our tour guide, the original concept for Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet did not come from Shakespeare, but from a poem by Luigi Daporto (I have no idea if the spelling of his name is correct. I am assuming, though, that our tour guide knew what she was talking about.)

A subtle difference: Rosa always said Juliet & Romeo, NOT Romeo & Juliet.

Unfortunately, it was not a fair day in Verona when we went. It was a cold and rainy day. HotFudge loves the rain. I have nothing against it, but it's hard to hold an umbrella AND take pictures at the same time. This annoyed Screg to no end as he tried to get a good shot of various people from our tour with their hands on Juliet's right breast. And then the statue was swarmed by a bunch of Japanese tourists. Fondling and carressing the Juliet statue. [BTW: I said Japanese tourists because that's what they were. If they were German, I would've said German... if they were Filipino, I would've said Filipino... etc., etc.]

Rosa gave our group some free time to wander around, so, the first thing HotFudge and I did was to try to find the public bathrooms. We followed Rosa's directions, but were unsuccessful. Nothing's worse than when Mother Nature calls and there's no bathroom in sight. You really can't enjoy anything until her call is answered. At one point, HotFudge and I and another couple poked our heads into a coffee shop and asked if we could use their facilities. This was one of those places where we'd have to buy something in order to use the toilet. Now this is where it gets fuzzy. It would have cost .90 cents to purchase something (like a coffee) and "stand" at the counter. It would've been more expensive if we sat down. I repeat: It would've been more expensive if we sat down. I could be totally wrong, but that's the impression we all got. The couple decided to stay. HotFudge and I took our leave.

I wandered into a bookstore. I was on a quest. HotFudge found me and said she used the bathroom in another restaurant across the way. I completed my purchase and went across. I asked for the bathroom. The waitress pointed it out, but I detected a slight irritation in her face. I guess I can understand. Who wants a whole bunch of tourists coming in to just use the facilities (stanking everything up and/or backing everything up) and not ordering anything? And I wasn't the only one either. There were other tourists from a different group standing in line waiting to use the toilet. [A lot of the local tour guides referred to the restroom as the "smiling-room" because you don't go in smiling, but you come out smiling.]

So, after I left the "smiling-room" (and yes, I was smiling... I couldn't help it... It's all about that incredible feeling of relief...), HotFudge and I made our way back to the statue to see if we could get some decent pictures. We did, and spent the rest of our time (about half an hour) looking at souvenirs in the rain. Of course, there were tons of stuff related to the Romeo & Juliet theme...

And, with damp feet and damp sweats, we made our way back to the tour bus for the long drive to Florence...

ITALY 2006... LET THE JOURNEY BEGIN...

I've given some thought on how to approach the sharing of the details of our trip to Italy. We were there for about 12 days, and to give an account in one shot would result in a very, very, very, very long blog. At the same time, however, I do not want to give a traditional day-by-day account of our activities.

[In answer to the question: "How was your trip?"... Of course we had a great time. Of course we didn't want to come back. Of course the architecture and ruins we saw were incredible... But there's so much more to share. Did everything go smoothly? No. Did we meet a lot of people? Yes.]

Therefore, I've decided to dole out our activities and experiences in smaller, non-linear "vignettes", which will include insights, prequels, epilogues, a cast of characters, dialogue, pictures, etc...

[Truthfully, I do not believe this series of blogs will really fit the definition of vignette,... I just like the way vignette sounds.]

That being said...

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[It is not my intention to re-ignite or rekindle the debate that ensued several months ago over this instrument. However, I thought it would be a good stepping stone into our tour.]

Oh, you'd like to know if I did it, wouldn't you? Wouldn't YOU? I'm in another country and nobody would know. What happens in Italy stays in Italy, right? And after giving TofU so much support, after applauding his arguments, after ribbing him to no end...

I am ashamed to say that I could not bring myself to try the bidet. Believe me, I struggled with it. I lay awake at nights thinking about missed opportunites. It called to me. Everytime I used the toilet, it called to me... There I was, in another country, in another culture... But I just wasn't open minded enough. [HotFudge wanted no part of it herself.] My chance to experience something new, and I let it go. My sincerest apologies, TofU.

At the beginning of the tour, our tour director, Rosa (our Mother Hen), asked if we knew what a bidet was. Before telling us, she warned us not to put our face in it, or our feet, or our hands, or our food... Turns out, most people already knew what it was for anyway... And then she told us the one thing that took me by surprise. Before, I'd always ASSUMED that you "sit" on a bidet in the same way (and direction) you sit on a toilet. TofU, I must know in what direction you were sitting in, because, according to Rosa, you sit on a bidet FACING the wall. Now, I think I can see this working for a female, but I honestly cannot see how a male could effectively use a bidet while facing the wall. To clean the front, sure. But to clean the arse? To confirm, I asked Mother Hen. She was highly amused. With laughter she said: "Of course you face the wall." I also asked if Europeans think it's disgusting that we do not use bidets. Her response: "No... It's just a different way of doing things..."

Let the tour of Italy begin...