MARCH 2006

At work, as I sit looking at my desk... well... it's not really MY desk. It's the District's. I just utilize it, just like I'm utilizing their computer. It's not MY computer, although I am the primary user. Anyway, leaving is good incentive for really cleaning a desk. For me, I like to have my desk as clean and as caught up as possible before going on vacation.

This month has been one of those high pressure months. Of course, "high-pressure" is relative. I'm damn sure the pressure at my job doesn't compare to say... a corporate lawyer on the side of tobacco. Nevertheless, there was alot more to do in the office this month than usual. The reason being, my supervisor was on vacation from the last part of February to three weeks into March. There are only two of us in the office. Thus, when one is gone for a length of time, the daily work is "doubled" for the one in the office. So, I was just barely keeping my head above the water. But even after she came back this week, I've still been under pressure.

HotFudge and I leave for Italy this Monday. We've both been scrambling to get things caught up at work and at home.

Negative effects of being extra busy at work (and still coughing, DAMMIT!!):

No martial arts. No capoeira. ScregMan is dying without his martial arts. Only went once this entire month...

I am so behind on reading and commenting in the blogging community...

Canine: Again... welcome... and BTW: "Hey... How's it goin?"

Shogun: This trip to Italy will be my camera's christening, baptism, bris milah, jumping-in, trial by fire, etc...

Lotus: Dear God... It's gonna take me days (or dare I say weeks?... months?... years?) to get through all your blogs...

Mulysa: Again... Happy Birthday!!! Ronin looks forward to slicing your smokes with his imaginary sword...

TofU: There's nothing like kicking back in a foreign country, taking in the scenery, writing in a Moleskine, listening to your favorite music via minidisc (okay, okay,... or IPOD).

Clark: Now you can put all your Superman dollies to use on the puppet stage... BTW, have you ever considered purchasing a Superman costume for yourself?

So this is goodbye to March of 2006...

Until next time dear reader...

Arrevaderci...

IN OTHER NEWS...

An excerpt from an insignificant news story from an insignificant town in an insignificant city,... etc, etc.

Traffic was backed up for several miles yesterday afternoon after a minivan swerved and then rolled onto its side on the interchange between the 509 and 508 freeways. Police are still looking for the driver and one passenger. Witness accounts remain garbled and confused.

"Right before the van rolled, it looked like they were fighting over something. The dude in the passenger seat was grabbing for something,... maybe a cell phone or a lighter," said one witness. "Then the van skidded to the left and rolled over."

Apparently, both driver and passenger climbed out of the van without any injuries. The driver, a female, was dressed in farmer-john overalls with a bandana in her hair, and a cigarette in her mouth. The passenger, a male, was dressed in black sweats, a green t-shirt, and had a black sweatshirt wrapped around his waist.

"It was weird, man," said another witness. "They both climbed out, but they were still goin' at it. And that's when it got crazy... The dude pulls out this sword,... like a samurai warrior... Who the hell carries a sword around?... And the girl's just laughing... laughing... Then home-boy strikes a pose and starts swingin' that sword around... Looks like he was aimin' for the cigarette... but she's too quick for him. Turns out, she's got a lighter in one hand, and an IPOD in the other, and she's just blocking the blade of the sword with that little lighter and IPOD... Kinda like... y'know how Wonder Woman used to deflect bullets with those bracelets? Kinda like that... For some reason, his sword couldn't crack her lighter or IPOD. Lots of sparks flyin' everywhere... And she's just laughing and giggling the whole time..."

Other things overheard by witnesses between the two combatants:

"You know this is for your own good... Didn't you make a promise not to smoke in my presence?"

"I never promised that... I haven't had a smoke in 3 hours, 13 minutes, 37 seconds..."
"Is that in real time or your own special universe?"

"But, I'm moving... But, I just had 2 finals...."

"But Ronin, I'm on vacation,... But Ronin, I just got back from vacation,... But Ronin, I'm at work,... But Ronin, it's the last day of the year,... But Ronin, it's the new year,... But Ronin, I'm in school..."

"I told you if you hung around me, you could fill up your Moleskine... Tell HotFudge I love her for kickin' ass at my old place..."

Eye-witness accounts confirm that, giggling and laughing hysterically with her cigarette still in her mouth, the female ran away from the scene with the male in hot pursuit. All that was left in the minivan was a dolly and some plastic container covers.

CUSTOMER SERVICE WOES #2

["... and then they decide to write a check and don't begin to fill out the check until the clerk gives them their total. (Argh! Why do people still write checks?...) - from Lotus' blog titled SAD?]

I thought I'd use the above quote as a springboard for Customer Service Woe #2. I'm really focusing on "...and don't begin to fill out the check until the clerk gives them their total..."

Let's say I'm at the local grocery store and I'm ready to purchase my goods. Back when I used to write checks, I would fill out as much of the check as possible before even getting into line. I would date the check, I would fill out the "Pay to the Order" part, and I would sign it. These days, I'll have my credit card (and club card) in hand. [Yes, Lotus. I, too, want to reap the benefits of my dividend earning credit card.]

Say I'm at the movie box office. I already have my credit card and picture ID in hand.

This is such a simple concept: Have your shit ready BEFORE coming to my window. And not just my window, but for any customer service situation.


PART THE SECOND: Being Prepared
It's so simple. I don't know why so many people have a problem with this.

I like to complete transactions as quickly as possible. If I've got a line of students, of course I want transactions to flow smoothly, quickly, easily and... EFFICIENTLY. What better way to achieve this than to be as prepared as possible before I ask those magic words: "May I help you?"

I'm not saying that if you're the 10th person in line, you should have your stuff out already. But maybe if you're the next person in line or the third person in line, you can get your Student ID out plus any other related papers or documents that may be needed. It'll be more efficient. I think it is so inconsiderate, not only to me, but also to those behind you if you spend 30 seconds to a full minute digging thru your wallet or your purse or your pockets or your shoes or your socks or your ass or your nose looking for your Student ID. [YES. At one point during my career, a student actually pulled his Student ID out of the shoe he was wearing.] In cases like this, I usually start helping the next person in line. But still, just have a little consideration and forethought. It's not that hard. If ScregMan ruled the universe, you'd be marching your sorry monkey ass back to the end of the line for, not only wasting my time, but for also wasting the time of the others behind you. Whether I'm in "customer" mode or "customer service" mode, this lack of consideration annoys me to no end. There is even a sign on my window stating that the Student ID card is required for transactions.

Student ID cards "...are required at all times while on campus, when conducting college business, or upon request of college staff."

The preceding blurb was taken directly from the Spring 2006 class schedule. Gee, if you're a student AND on campus, you should have your Student ID with you. In my opinion, this is not an unreasonable requirement. Is not a driver's license required when you're driving? When I'm driving? Literally all my transactions require the Student ID card. No substitutions. Would you try to substitute your Student ID for your Driver's License if you were pulled over by the highway patrol? I think not. And I highly doubt the officer would be amused. [Truth be told, I think the last time an officer saw my Driver's License was when I was going thru a sobriety check point a few years ago. But I still carry my Driver's License with me. Why? Because I'm suppose to. Because it's required. In fact, more than any officer, it is the cashiers and sales people who see my Driver's License more because of my credit card use.] My point being: even if you go through your entire college career never having to use your Student ID card, it is still required that you carry it with you when on campus. It is not an unreasonable requirement.

Have I turned students away for not having their Student ID card? You bet your ass I have. Even if they've shown me a Driver's License, credit cards, Social Security Card? You bet your ass I have. No substitutions. NO SUBSTITUTIONS!! Even if I already know who you are. The appearance of showing "favoritism" is a thin line. The last thing I need is a student asking me why I'm asking for his/her Student ID, but I didn't ask the student before him/her. For every transaction that requires the Student ID card, I have to be able to say I actually saw the Student ID card. Just covering my ass...

So, dear reader, have some consideration for, not only those in customer service, but for anyone who may be standing behind you. Whether you're standing in line at the grocery store, or at the movie box office, or at my window...

Please have your shit ready.

CUSTOMER SERVICE WOES #1

I once read (but I can't remember the source) that we are moving towards a "service-oriented" society. By service, they meant that the majority of employed people are providing some kind of service for others, not making an actual product. I suppose the restaurant business could be considered a meshing of the two worlds. When I think about all the jobs I've had, I guess I've always been in some form of customer service. Thus, the inspiration for this blog series...

This is the first in an unknown number of topics related to the fine art of Customer Service. Since there are so many facets, so many angles, so many philosophies on customer service, I will break down the issues and try to keep to one subtopic at a time. Otherwise, this would be a really, really, really long blog. Mind you, this and any blogs hereafter on this topic stem from my personal experience, but I think some of you may be able to relate, maybe agree, or maybe even disagree...

PART THE FIRST: The Cell Phone
Cell phones are wonderful, right? They keep us in closer contact with each other, they're convenient, handy in an emergency, etc., etc. You can even take pictures, play games, surf the Web, e-mail, download music, program it to ring in a particular way, put all these cute shit stickers or covers on them...

Hell, I have a cell phone just like everybody else. I even have a black cover on it to soften the blow should the roll on my stomach bunch up enough to knock my phone off its belt clip to the ground.

But why oh why do some people insist on talking on the phone WHILE conducting their business with me (or any other customer service rep). There is no law against this particular behavior, but if ScregMan ruled the Universe (not trying to usurp you TofU... this is all hypothetical), there would be. Do you hear me? THERE WOULD BE!!! Something along the lines of cutting 1/8"-1/4" off the tip of offenders' tongues. If you keep offending, eventually, you'd lose your entire tongue. I believe that would suffice.

I don't know why I feel this way... I have no explanation for my feelings, but I think it is absolutely rude... ABSOLUTELY RUDE to be talking on a cell phone while doing some transaction with a customer service rep. This is one piece of behavior I absolutely try to avoid when I'm the customer. I just don't like it.

With this behavior, the customer's attention is divided, and this has the tendency to cause wasteful moments (another blog on my time being wasted by others will eventually follow). Someone on a cell phone will more than likely say "Huh?" or "What?" after I've asked him/her to sign and date a document. Why? Because their attention is divided. Because they weren't frickin' paying attention. It drives me crazy to no end when I have to repeat myself because of the cell phone distraction.

And it's never important. The phone conversation is NEVER IMPORTANT. Do you disagree? Are you telling yourself: "But Screg, it may not sound important, but you don't know the whole story behind the conversation, you don't know the background..."

Okay, let's say I'm jumping the gun. Here's a few snipets of things I've overheard from people on their precious cell phones.

"So whatchoo doin' now?.... Ahm pickin' up ma check... HUH?... Where-em I signin'...?"

"MMMMMMMMMMM...MMMMMM...girrrrrrrrrrrrrl... you can't let 'im treat ch'all like dat..."

"Yeah... I've got to get home and study before I flunk this class..."

"I think he likes you... Oh, shut up... NOT!!... Oh, puh-leeeeeeeez..."

"I just called ta holla at cha..."

"...time am I meeting you?...Uh...Hold on...What?... Where do I sign...?

Now, I guess it could be argued that any one of these partial conversations could have been related to an emergency, or a life and death situation. But my logic tells me... NOT!!!

In all my years of customer service, I've never heard things like:

"OH MY GOD!!! MOM GOT STRANGLED BY THE WEED WACKER!!! I'LL BE RIGHT OVER!!!"

"WHAT?... LITTLE JUNIOR LOST HIS ARM IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL!!!"

"WHICH HOSPITAL IS HE AT... I'M COMING NOW"

"THERE'S A RABID DOG GOT YOU CORNERED IN THE KITCHEN? GRAB THE GUN IN THE KNIFE DRAWER AND BLOW ITS BRAINS OUT. I'LL BE RIGHT OVER AFTER I PICK UP MY CHECK."

My point? The actual conversations I've heard seem to be lacking any sense of... URGENCY. In other words, it wouldn't kill the person to delay the conversation for a few seconds. Can't the offender at least have the decency to not be on the phone while conducting business?

If I'm feeling particularly ornary, I will intentionally wait for a person to get off the phone. This is particularly effective when I've got a line of students. Then the student is "under pressure" because it is him/her who is holding up the line. On one occasion, a girl said: "Lemme call you back. This guy has an ISSUE (extreme emphasis on the word ISSUE) with cell phones."

My response to her: "You're right, bitch. I do have an issue with cell phones, you rude, ignorant, stupid, pathetic, worthless, waste of a human being. Who the fuck do you think you are? Is your conversation THAT important? You can't hold off for 30 seconds while I have you sign some documents so you can pick up your check? This check that's suppose to be helping you with school? You ungreatful shit. I hope you don't procreate because the last thing this world needs is your rudeness being passed onto any offspring you might bear as a result of you finding and paying a desperate, sorry-ass, crack-addicted male to screw you."

At which point she filed a grievance against me...NOT. Of course I didn't say all that. But you can bet your life I was thinking it (or something similar).

From a statistical standpoint (and I'm not trying to be sexist), it seems females are more prone to doing this than the males. Don't get me wrong, both genders are guilty of this, but in my experience, the females do it more.

At least there are some social pressures regarding when and where the cell phone is appropriate. Movie theatres have specific reminders regarding turning off/setting to vibrate cell phones. I like that. I can't believe the audacity of some people who could just have a (loud) phone conversation in the middle of a movie.

HotFudge once told me about a woman in the post office on her cell phone talking rather loudly. One of the workers told her to tone it down and that she would not be helped until she got off her cell. BRAVO!!!

And the way some people "cling" to their phones. As if it's the most important thing in the world. More important than their spouse. More important than their children. More important than life itself. Their whole family could die in a car crash, as long as their phone doesn't get damaged. I envision such people falling off a cliff and holding their cellphone as high as possible so it's the last thing that hits the ground. I see people all the time, just staring (maybe they're texting) at their phones, as if in a trance. Unbelievable.

Of course, this is totally my opinion. TOTALLY MY OPINION. Supported by no facts. Lots of people are perfectly fine talking on the phone while conducting business. I'm sure there's lots of people in customer service who aren't bothered a bit. Maybe I'm the only one who feels this way. But from my vantage point, I just can't get past it. Utterly rude. And for me, a student should be paying attention when signing a legal document. But they act like it's no big thing. I'm about to give you a check to help you pay for your education, and you can't even stop talking for 30 seconds. How pathetic is that?

If you agree with me, great. If you disagree with me, then weigh in. I'd like to hear some justification for splitting attention between phone and customer service rep. Mind you, this is totally different from cell phones going off during a party or among friends. I am talking specifically about cell phones from a customer service stand point.

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Stop talking for 15-30 seconds...

Is that too much to ask?